High School Football Bench-Clearing Brawl Season is Upon Us Once Again

Clear eyes. Full hearts. Flying fists. Can't lose.

If there's one thing that defines American culture more than High School Football, it's the proud tradition of High School Football Rivalries.

A while ago, I heard John Krasinski on a talk show try to explain this to his wife Emily Blunt, who grew up in England. Then one night they were out to dinner somewhere near Boston and a guy approached them and said he was a big fan. 

"You're from Newton, right?" the fanboy asked. Yes. 

"Newton North or Newton South?" Newton South. 

"Fuck South," the guy said, and walked away. 

"See what I've been talking about???" Krasinski asked his wife. 

"NO! No, I don't understand at all!" she exclaimed. 

And she never will. It's the ultimate IYKYK that's hard for anyone who did not grow up here to grasp. But they certainly understand it in Fresno, CA:

ABC30 - What started as a celebration for Central Unified turned into chaos at Koligian Stadium Friday night.

The Central High Grizzlies were up 40-0 over the Garza High Guardians when a massive fight broke out between the two sides.

Footage obtained by Action News shows the fight escalating to where at least one man was punched inadvertently, but it's unclear what started the fight on the field.

The game was called at the beginning of the 4th quarter.

"It's unclear what started the fight"? Welp, I'm no expert in the history of Central vs. Garza. But I do know high school football well enough to take an educated guess that the answer is right there in that "Grizzlies were up 40-0" part. In the 3rd quarter, no less. Once Central went up five touchdowns-plus, everyone in Koligian Stadium was sitting on a powder keg and giving off sparks. That's a riot waiting to happen. That scoreboard was the youth sports equivalent of the Fear Toxin that Scarecrow put into the Gotham City water supply in Batman Begins. 

This was inevitable. Note that's Central in white and Garza in blue:

Credit where it's due to No. 52 from Central for standing his ground even as No. 5 tried to knock his block off, Rock 'em Sock 'em Robots style, with his own helmet. He could've appealed to the officials. Walked away. Or simply pointed to the 40-burger in bright lights above the field and won the day. But he chose Trial by Combat. Much respect to him. 

Here's another part of that donnybrook from an even better angle. Note the drop shadows highlighting No. 91 from Garza as he rolls up and lands a haymaker on the side of a coaches head as he's trying to take one of his own players away from the brawl. And the other on his teammate No. 55, coming downhill a good 20 yards to land a left jab into Central No. 14's chin:

Maybe if those guys moved that well and played that tough while the game was going on, they wouldn't have been getting teabagged by their vastly superior opponent. We'll never know. Because instead they took the coward's way out. Ending their humiliation 15 minutes early. 

Of course the school district did what bureaucrats always do. They issued the obligatory statement decrying the violence and claiming it doesn't reflect the standards of the community and sportsmanship or some such claptrap that no one will take seriously or even read. Because we know better. We understand this is what school athletics are all about. And from this day forward, these Central vs. Garza games are going to be appointment viewing for everyone. Generations from now, players on both sides will still be holding this grudge and trying to get revenge for this game back in 2024. 

So try to do better, Garza. The eyes of America are upon you.